Asking consent isn’t just for straight boys. Many children will hug any adult who is willing to reciprocate the cuddle. video was created to promote healthy relationships among tweens and teens by providing concrete examples of how to ask for consent, what enthusiastic, verbal consent looks like, and how to accept “no” as normal boundary-setting in relationships. CONTACT US. Taken from my new Consent Teaching Pack. 804.377.0335. info@vsdvalliance.org. RESPECT. California provides sample activities on how to teach consent. Why? It can open up a lot of discussion so it may need a bit of guidance to take it to where you need it to go. People often say that consent is confusing, or they’re unsure about “grey areas,” but consent is easy. DO YOU and TEACH Consent are projects of the Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance, Virginia's leading voice on sexual and intimate partner violence. What happened?”. Sexual violence is a big problem in young dating relationships in part because teens are not clear on what consent means, nor how to ask for it. Jackson asks Naomi if she wants to hook up. DO YOU and TEACH Consent are projects of the Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance, Virginia's leading voice on sexual and intimate partner violence. Ask the group the following questions and try to make sure different views are heard. (Consent, Sexual Assault, Date Rape and Sexual Grooming. Then ask the following questions …, “how was that?” (answers here may a bit longer than the first time round, generally speaking lots of people prefer it), “on a scale of one to ten how was it?” (usually this gets between 6 and 9), “how did it compare to the first handshake?” (people often say “it was more mutual,” “we knew what was going to happen,” “it was more fun” “there was more eye contact”), “did anyone prefer the first handshake?” (try to convince people that this isn’t a trick question – it’s important that people feel they can say they did. Are there times when you feel like you can’t say no to a handshake? This is a simple sounding activity but it is potentially quite a powerful one and a tricky one to get right. Teaching Teens about Consent. Most victims of sexual assault are women, and most perpetrators are men, and it’s likely that heterosexual boys are getting more pressure to coerce girls into sex than the other way around. Consent is the foundation of a sexual relationship. This is my fifth semester as a SHAPE facilitator, and I am still trying to figure out how to teach about consent. Play it back in your head in super slow motion. As they’ve already learned about reading non-verbal messages, you can already go beyond ‘no means no’, to teach about enthusiastic consent. Desiree and Naomi are best friends and are at a party together. So explain, “I’d like you to shake hands for one last time, but this time I’d like you to try and get a balance between first handshake and second handshake. It works as an analogy for sexual consent, but it’s also interesting to think about how we do and don’t consent to greetings in everyday life. ACTIVITY: QUESTIONNAIRE (10 mins) (optional) • This activity can also be conducted as verbal class activity using the power point images. Sex in this case might mean ‘one thing leads to another.’ ‘Foreplay’ and then ‘intercourse’ (like penis or toys in vagina or anus).”, “This approach works for some people and some people like that kind of sex because it can be spontaneous and exciting. We believe parents can start educating children about consent and empowerment as early as 1 year old and continuing into the college years. — teenagers. We reached out last week, asking Kim for a few practical ideas to teach consent to our littles — whether they’re small, pre-teen, or — sob! At Power Up, Speak Out! 804.377.0335. info@vsdvalliance.org. However sometimes it can lead to rubbish sex because people aren’t able to talk about what they actually like or they don’t have bodies that can enjoy that kind of sex. For teens and young adults, the focus should be more on sex, self-esteem, and setting healthy boundaries. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011. Consent always needs an enthusiastic yes. You can use the video and accompanying discussion guides (one for PARENTS, one for GROUP FACILITATORS) to spark conversations with teens about respectful relationships, the importance of consent, and how teens can ask for and give consent in their friendships and dating relationships. from harm. We’ve also massively improved our greetings whenever we meet up (a good firm hug, lasting for about 2 seconds). The ASK. These teaching materials can be easily integrated into your PSHE education programme and are designed to help pupils to understand and maintain healthy relationships while learning about consent and challenging controlling behaviour, violence and abuse. Sexual consent means both partners agree to the sexual activity and understand what they’re agreeing to. You might know that consent means agreeing to do something. The guidance on consent education looks different from state to state. LISTEN. In this article, we’ll go over important tools and techniques that can be used to help teach consent to children in preschool. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. Sexual Consent. It’s just £12.50 for an instant download. There is a lot of information slides but there is also some activities and a link to the 'how to show consent through tea'. What did you do or say? As parents we need to be able to clearly explain the concept and language of consent so they understand what to expect and how to express themselves in sexual situations. Another experiential activity you could try is my ‘Choose Chocolate’ exercise in my Consent Teaching Pack, where participants get to practice tuning into what they want and learning how to meet their needs and others. LISTEN. A hug? They might say “it was less awkward,” “it was over more quickly,” “it was more fun,” “it was more exciting not knowing how it was going to be.”), “So neither ‘first handshake’ or ‘second handshake’ is ideal. Desiree notices that Naomi is drinking a lot and starting to slur her words. Teaching our kids about consent might seem awkward or foreign, not only because it involves the subject of sex, but also because the majority of today’s adults didn’t get consent … This involves asking everyone to shake hands and there will a total of three rounds of handshakes! Remember, when it comes to sexual activities and sex, you have the right to decide when you do it, where you do it, and how you do it. Teach verbal and nonverbal communication. This will reduce the time taken to 5 minutes. Consent needs to be understood as more than just a concept in dating and sex. This lesson focuses on consent and aims to equip young people with the knowledge and skills to keep themselves and others safe. Open up conversations exploring the difficulties. — teenagers. Jackson, a cute guy at the party, approaches Naomi, who is totally drunk. Teaching Consent Doesn’t Have to be Hard; Widen Layout: standard. Sometimes it can result in sex that isn’t consenting: either like feeling forced to take part in someone else’s handshake, or doing it because it’s expected, or one thing leading to another without anyone checking in that this is what you wanted.”, That’s quite a lot so make sure people have understood that. 6 Consent = is giving permission, saying yes or agreeing to do something. First of all I’d like everyone to shake hands, if you want to.”, Give enough time for as many people to shake hands with as many people as they like. 2 Teach them the importance of saying “no” or “stop. © Justin Hancock and Meg John Barker 2015. So focus on the tiny micro-communications of the other person: eye contact, nodding or shaking heads, facial expressions, noises, short words or phrases like “oh yeah” or “bit softer,” how bodies move towards or against each other, moving hands etc.”. SHAPE follows a model of peer facilitation, where we work with students through participation and activities to come to new understandings of issues of sex and sexuality. we can relate. Ppt Presentation - Informed Consent General Overview; Ppt Presentation - Informed Consent Case Studies; Objectives. Instead we could try being more ‘third handshake.’, To explore how people can incorporate the best of both handshakes and to think of how they do this. Teaching them about consent can help keep them safe from child predators, but it can also be about simpler things, like whether they want to play a game or get a hug from a classmate — laying the groundwork for an understanding of sexual relationships much later on, as well as ensuring a safer classroom environment in the present. Consent just means that you and your partner are old enough and have the capacity and free will to agree to engage in sexual activities together. So. Not all 11-16 year olds are dating, but most have probably thought about what it means to be in a dating relationship. www.vsdvalliance.org @VActionAlliance [Knowledge, Skill] 3.Demonstrate an understanding of how giving and getting clear consent is part of a respectful relationship. Teach them that consent means asking for and waiting to hear a "yes"—it does not mean continuing to touch someone sexually until they hear the word "no." As a violence prevention program working in rural Montana, we've created a five-lesson toolkit for educators that encourages middle school students to think critically about healthy relationships, power dynamics, boundaries and consent. The Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, Ages 1-21 By Joanna Schroeder , Julie Gillis, Jamie Utt and Alyssa Royse A list of parenting action items, created in the hope that we can raise a generation of children who have less rape and sexual assault in their lives. video was created for tweens and teens ages 11-16 to show concrete examples of: what enthusiastic, verbal consent looks like, and; You can use the video and accompanying discussion guides (one for PARENTS, one for GROUP FACILITATORS) to spark conversations with teens about respectful relationships, the importance of consent, and how teens can ask for and give consent in their friendships and dating relationships. 30/60 minutes – over 14 possibly works better for an older group or a group who are more likely to be sexually active (or considering being sexually active). Attitudes and beliefs formed during these critical years will most likely affect how they treat their dating partners now and in the future. CONTACT US. 5 Ways to Teach Your Children About Consent In support of Sexual Assault Awareness Month , author and sexual consent activist Amy Hatvany shares five ways to talk to your kids about sex and consent. EC_Resources Explain to the group “This is a lesson about consent and what that means. A consent workshop activity using handshakes as a way of learning about sexual consent. Consent must be given for every sexual activity, every time. The ASK. 1.Define the terms “consent,” “coercion” and “incapacitated.” [Knowledge] 2.Differentiate between a situation in which consent is clearly given and one in which it is not. Really pay attention to them. This is to test whether we can have a really good mutually enjoyable handshake with someone that we have never shaken hands with before. • Divide the class into groups of 4 or 5. Additionally, Kim is a writer and teacher who blogs at Tea and Intimacy; if anyone can talk consent and passion, it’s Kim. Please leave a review if you found any of this lesson helpful! High school. Give each group a printed questionnaire (included in the pack). This Is How You Teach Kids About Consent We hope parents and educators find this list of action items and teaching tools helpful, and that together we can help create a generation of children who have less rape and sexual assault in their lives. They often don’t (or can’t) negotiate or say what they want but rely on the script for what counts as sex. You might also be interested in my new training course about it here. As the children get older, you can expand on your teaching to include talking of boundaries in sexual relationships. USING THE VIDEO AND DISCUSSION GUIDE. I’ve used it in sex education with young people and adults, Meg-John has used it in training courses with therapists and we’ve both used it at seminars. Communication is vital to teaching consent. [Knowledge] A NOTE ABOUT LANGUAGE: ¹Black MC, Basile KC, Breiding MJ, Smith SG, Walters ML, Merrick MT, Chen J, Stevens MR. Kim: It’s good to hear from you! Invite people to share some stories about times when actions without consent have made them uncomfortable or created problems. Start by introducing the idea of consent. It's about how to choose your perfect pizza, what to watch on TV, who plays in goal, politics, rights, and yeah also a bit about sex. By Monica Rivera. A happy and enthusiastic ‘yes’ will do. Kids act on impulse, and sometimes they do things that aren’t appropriate without realizing that their actions are inappropriate. It may get a bit uncomfortable to talk about these things in the context of young children, but it is important to break through that stigma so we can address these issues as they are developing so they don’t become larger later on in life. Ask the group to think of why this is. When you encourage sharing and turn-taking, you are teaching consent. What makes asking for the sex you want (or don’t want) more difficult? This lesson focuses on consent and aims to equip young people with the knowledge and skills to keep themselves and others safe. Negotiate this on a scale of 1 to 10”, “How long would you like it to go on for, or how many shakes would you like?”, “Do you want to dry your hands first?”, “Do you want to do something else altogether? Ask about times when people have been unsure whether what they were doing or experiencing was okay. Try to keep it fun and spontaneous but also try to find ways of communicating with the other person to make sure that you and they are both into it (and can stop if you want). Communication about giving or denying permission includes the words we say, such as “Yes” or “No.” However, nonverbal communication, such as gestures, facial expressions, and body movements, are even more communicative. How Can We Teach Consent? Discriminate between acceptable and unacceptable exclusion of information presented as part of the informed consent process. The Home Office Disrespect NoBody PSHE education teaching materials are designed to support the Government’s campaign to help prevent abusive behaviours within young people’s relationships.. Although people may feel like they should take part in the handshakes (which might be one of the learning points of the activity) please don’t explicitly force people to do so. RESPECT. There might be so much negotiation about every single thing (kissing, touching, words, taking clothes off etc) that it would take away a lot of the fun and spontaneity. Give and Get Consent A resource for teaching sexual consent to Key Stages 3 & 4 Created by Rape Crisis South London (RASASC) in partnership with the Child and Woman Abuse Studies Unit, the Office of the Children’s Commissioner, and the End Violence Against Women Coalition. ... NSPCC Share Aware Teaching Resources. Kim: It’s good to hear from you! Teaching kids to ask “Is it okay if I…?” before touching another person is essential when we are attempting to help them understand consent. And evidence suggests that what we are doing doesn’t give students the skills they need to … Elementary schools are filled with innocent little humans who long for nurture, acceptance, and loving touch, often in the form of hugs. No parent wants their child to grow up to be a victim or a perpetrator, which means teaching about consent early is crucial. The video and two accompanying discussion guides (one for PARENTS, one for GROUP FACILITATORS) can be used in a classroom setting, with a small group of tweens/teens, or one-on-one with an adult who can lead an informed discussion. A shoulder bump? Did that happen in this lesson? According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey Report¹: • 1 in 5 females and 1 in 7 males who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of intimate partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age. You’ve all been able to practice how good consent feels.”, “So when people have the first kind of handshake they are shaking hands in the way that they are expected to, or they just take part in someone else’s handshake. But when it comes to teaching kids about consent, we do way too little, way too late. If you direct the discussion quite firmly you can do this in 30 minutes. This lesson was planned for a PSHE curriculum and is a lesson about consent. Alicia Johnson. I’m going to take you through two lesson plans that can work for anyone from beginners on up to experienced dancers that want to practice breaking some of these old patterns. Are there times when it’s better to talk more than others? Look for body language, eye contact, facial expressions that kind of thing”, Notice what happens in the room and then ask some of these questions, “How did it compare with the first two?”, “On a scale of one to ten how was it?”, “Think about how you communicated to each other about the handshake. It takes teaching about consent beyond a very simple legalistic message such as ‘no means no’ and gives people the opportunity to experience the barriers and opportunities for experiencing consent in a safer environment. By finding new and innovative ways to teach Canadians that consent is simply the voluntary agreement to participate in the sexual activity in question, educators can impact a whole generation. Additionally, Kim is a writer and teacher who blogs at Tea and Intimacy; if anyone can talk consent and passion, it’s Kim. If you allow the discussion to roam a little it can take longer (which might be good to do in a training course). It is our sincere hope that this education can help us raise empowered young adults who have empathy for others and a clear understanding of healthy consent. If you would like me to come to your school or college or youth club to teach this you can book me here. We’ve found it a really useful exercise as it opens up lots of discussion about how we ask for our needs to be met as well as understanding some of the barriers for this. Often the ‘third handshake’ was the preferred handshake of the group. Usually they say that they really felt a connection this time. Authentic Consent = saying yes or giving permission free of any pressure. )There are also mini lessons included, called activities.These worksheets are for Personal / Classroom use only and licensed for a single user only.Purchase extra licenses at a discount price to allow o Coercion = involves using the threat of harm to make someone do something against their will. Identify barriers to effective informed consent. I sometimes then ask people to do another ‘third handshake’ but this time with someone they haven’t shook hands with yet. Sex without consent is rape or sexual assault. If you would like to deliver this activity in the classroom as part of a relationships and sex education curriculum for 14 – 16 year olds, head to DO… RSE for Schools.Â. Good quality education on consent should strive to support young people to have safe, pleasurable and satisfying experiences. However a lot of people find this really difficult.”, “So, the key is to be more ‘third handshake.’ This means really paying attention to what each other wants and trying to make it mutually pleasurable. “how was that?” (answers here may be quite short “ok” “all right”), “how was it to other handshakes you’ve had?”, “what’s the secret to a great handshake?” (people might talk about firmness, or the context – eg who’s doing the handshake and when), “on a scale of one to ten how was it?” (usually this gets between 4 and 7), Then explain that you would like them to shake hands again …, “This time I’d like you to shake hands again but I’d like you negotiate it.”, “Do you want to shake hands with left or right hand?” [you might want to ask if there are any left handed people in the room and which hand they shake with], “Do you want to go up and down or side to side?”, “How firm do you want it to be? This means that if someone is drunk or nearly unconscious or felt they weren’t able to say ‘no’ then it’s not consensual. Even if they suspect that teaching consent is part of the problem, they're not sure how. This is an activity that Meg-John Barker and I have been working on together over the last couple of years. At the heart of consent is the idea that every person has a right to personal sovereignty – the right to not be acted upon by someone else in a sexual manner unless they give that person clear permission. Yes please! For full instructions on how to use this activity, as well as a comprehensive slideshow to help you to deliver it, you should check out my new Consent Teaching Pack, which contains several other interactive and in-depth activities about consent, negotiation and power. A fist bump? So. For any sexual activity to happen, everyone needs to consent… I've written "Can We Talk About Consent - A Book About freedom, choices, and agreement." A kiss on the cheek (no tongues)?”, Then allow everyone who wants to to shake hands again, notice what happens in the room (there’s often more laughter and smiling, it also takes longer). At this point the participants will still be a bit wary of what’s going on, so you might want to keep this part of the discussion a bit shorter. Three Handshakes – An activity for learning how consent feels. Sexual activity includes kissing, sexual touching and sexual intercourse (oral, anal, and vaginal). There are ways to be second handshake when we’re planning sex with someone – such as texting what we like, or talking together about different kinds of sex we might want to try. We reached out last week, asking Kim for a few practical ideas to teach consent to our littles — whether they’re small, pre-teen, or — sob! Someone that we have never shaken hands with before desiree notices that Naomi is drinking lot... 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